True story. Too embarrassing to share, too funny not to share. I needed to run to the grocery store for one item to complete a recipe for lunch. I was still in my pajamas (don’t judge!) and didn’t want to delay the whole recipe to shower and dress. So I grungily grabbed last night’s capri jeans off the top of the hamper and quickly pulled them on (you’ve done that before, right? I’m not the only one that pulls on dirty jeans for a quick trip, am I? I mean, it’s not like they were “dirty”. I wore them for a couple of hours. I didn’t even sweat. I sat on a couch.)
I topped off my outfit with a t-shirt over my PJ tank top, threw a cap over my hair (I brushed it first) and off I went to the store, secretly praying that I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew (and throwing in prayers for world peace intermittently so I didn’t seem totally vain and trivial.)
I actually made it through the store in record time, and I made it out with buying only the item I needed (and a Diet Coke–because if you’re dressed and out of the house at the store, you might as well caffeine-up.) I normally always run into former students/parents or church friends at the store. But not today! My bare-faced, cap-wearing, dirty-jean, sloppy-’cause-I-didn’t-get-dressed-yet-today trip out of the house was successful and uneventful. Or so I thought.
I returned home and was cheerfully finishing my recipe, still wearing my grungy outfit since I had already lost enough time and my family was starving. My knight came into the kitchen and said “What is that?” in a voice that is usually reserved for people observing large spiders or zombie invasions. I followed his pointed finger and gaze of horror down to the back of my left leg.
And there, peeking ever so obviously from the bottom of my “dirty” capri jeans, was the black lace of the panties I wore under these jeans LAST NIGHT. Evidently, they were still inside the jeans that I hastily pulled on for a quick trip out in public. I JUST WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE WITH MY PANTIES HANGING OUT THE BOTTOM OF MY JEANS.
Seriously?!! How did I not feel them when I pulled the jeans on? Am I that oblivious? And why didn’t I feel a lump on the back of my leg as I sprinted through the store? Why didn’t I remove my clothing separately last night as I threw it into the hamper? Why didn’t I think to check in the mirror for any dangling panties before I left the house? Why didn’t I just put on clean clothes? Why did I attempt to cook instead of just ordering pizza? And why am I sharing this with the world?
Because it’s too freakin’ funny to keep it a secret. We keep cracking up laughing every time we think about it, although Dr. Smooth says he will never go to the grocery store with me again.
So I’m not sure what the moral of the story is, but here’s a little take-away for ya:
1. Buy all the ingredients for the recipe on the first trip to the store.
2. Separate all articles of clothing prior to lazily throwing them across the hamper. (and bunch them up so they are too wrinkled for you to be tempted to put them back on.)
3. Wear clean clothes when you go to a store.
4. If you neglect to do all of the above, check the mirror for dangling panties before you leave the house.
Now, make me feel better and comment with an embarrassing story that makes you laugh at yourself. Preferably more embarrassing than mine.