Hooray For Hollywood! Oscars Weekend is pretty much MY SuperBowl weekend, and I had a busy one this year. I rented Argo Friday night, and then I watched five best picture nominees at the AMC Best Picture Showcase on Saturday. Fourteen hours in a theater seat is dedication, people. I sacrificed most of the feeling in my butt in my support of the movie industry!
It was hard for me to pick a clear winner going into last night’s show, because the nominees had such different gifts to offer. I delighted in the visually stunning beauty of Pi, bit my knuckles with the suspense and storytelling of Argo, cried and laughed with the hopeless romanticism of Silver Linings, absolutely LOVED Les Mis close up and on film, and I am still thinking about the moral and ethical complexity and grayness of Zero Dark Thirty. Luckily, I’m not in the Academy (yet) and I didn’t have to choose just one.
But now on to the recap of the Oscars:
Seth McFarlane: Bleh. He wasn’t all bad, but he wasn’t that good. In another setting I probably would have laughed at the boobs song, but it’s the Oscars. It’s the pinnacle of recognition for acting and the movie industry. So I don’t know that opening it by listing whose boobs we have seen was really the best choice. Aren’t the Oscars SUPPOSED to be stuffy and formal? It’s the OSCARS.
And I didn’t care for his constant assessment of the teleprompter. “Oh, we left that one in? Oh, I thought we took that one out. Oh, you want me to read this one?” I know you’re reading from a teleprompter. But let me pretend you’re not reading and you’re really that brilliant and amusing off the cuff, okay?
I was singing alto in the Twitter chorus asking “Where’s Tina and Amy?” I do like Seth, LOVED Ted, but not an Oscar host, I think.
Opening Dance Segment:
Charlize Theron and Channing Tatum: Wow. Beautiful. Graceful. Loved it. The man can go from Magic Mike to that??? Dang.
Best Hair & Make-up:
If you are nominated for hair and make-up and there is a slight chance you may win for hair and make-up, I would just think you may want to put effort into your OWN hair and makeup. Perhaps they were busy performing their art on other nominees and just didn’t leave enough time for self, but heavens. Pink spandex and scrunchees?
Presenters that make you go Hmmmm:
Paul Rudd & Melissa McCarthy are both really funny people. Their presentation skit last night—NOT funny. And Melissa, you are a beautiful, talented, increasingly wealthy woman. Fire the stylist that picked that dress, honey.
Presenters that make you go WTH:
Kristen Stewart: I do not understand why she makes public appearances when she loathes public appearances, but if you’re going to show up and you’re going to wear a gown, at least comb your hair. And try to show some emotion when presenting. More than when you act, okay?
Renee Zellweger: I don’t know. What was up with that? What happened to her? Maybe she and Kristen Stewart got into a tussle backstage and that explains both???
Shark in the Water:
What was up with the loud, obnoxious JAWS music when the winners went long? I always think it’s just wrong when they cut off an acceptance speech. Cut down on the cheesy musical numbers and mediocre witty banter of presenters. For some of these people it is a once-in-a-lifetime acceptance speech for a lifetime of work toward that moment. Do you really need to cut them off? And with the theme song from JAWS? One poor guy was even nudged from behind. I thought they were going to start using hooks or open trapdoors next.
Anne Hathaway: WTH was up with her nipples??? Was it an illusion of the dress? Was it REALLY cold in the theater? Was she wearing something dark over them??? She lit up Twitter every time they showed her on camera, and by the end of the night her nipples literally had their own Twitter account. I guess it goes along with a show that opened with a Boobs song, but seriously, are undergarments ever going to be back in style???
Jennifer Lawrence: Bless her heart. If you are ever going to trip and fall in front of other people, it should not be at the Oscars with a global audience as you accept the award you’ve always dreamed of. Loved her observation on the standing ovation though. ;o) I forgive her for dissing Meryl with her “movie quote” at the Golden Globes.
Meryl Streep: Fire your stylist and shop for a new one with Melissa McCarthy. I am a HUGE Meryl fan; she is one of my favorite actresses and the one I probably most admire. But the Margaret Thatcher hair and aluminum foil dress have got to go.
Adele: I adore her. She looked incredible. She sounded incredible. I so want to hang out with her. I could listen to her talk for hours, and she seems very real and down to earth. Well, except when she sings, and that’s just heavenly.
Barbra Streisand: Never disappoints. Babs was beautiful, her voice is still amazing, and her nails. Oh, her nails. I wonder if she and Adele use the same manicurist.
Loved the loose, romantic hair this year—Naomi, Nicole, Jennifer A.
Gorgeous gowns—Jennifer G., Jessica, Nicole, Kerry, and Zoe.
Daniel Day-Lewis: Best acceptance speech of the night and my nominee for Oscar host next year. He was poignant, funny, respectful and even humble, even though he made history with his third win for Best Actor.
Ben Affleck: The Academy may have overlooked him for Best Director, but he certainly racked up on the awards circuit, and how can you win Best Picture at the Oscars if you didn’t do a good job as director? How sad that he won the top award of the industry, but felt he needed to rush through his acceptance speech in fear of a shark. Touching words to his beautiful wife, and an emotional shout-out to his kids at home. Loved it. Feel-good moment of the night.
Mark Wahlberg: Go shopping with Melissa McCarthy and Meryl Streep and find a new tailor. I get that you’re buff. And it’s part of the reason that you replaced Johnny Depp at the top of my “just-in-case” list. But the tux was about to rip apart at the seams, dude. Maybe a tailor issue, I don’t know. But in case we’re ever going to be an item, you gotta get a bigger jacket.
Hippie Hair: Is this a new trend? Is it back in? Whyyyy????
Beards: Is this a new trend? Is it back in? Whyyyy????
Okay, I liked the Losers song. Did they know the losers ahead of time, or did they learn multiple verses????
And that’s it folks. Time to start talking about who’s gonna be nominated next year!